i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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