Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
