I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
