It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
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There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
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apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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