There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
