Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
