she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
