There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
