Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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