she woke up with a sticky ear
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
