My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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