rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
