she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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