Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Dick very happy bro
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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