Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
sarcasm needs its own font
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
