We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
