i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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