Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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