I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
