so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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