if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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