u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
