I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
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