It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize