so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
