Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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