well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
