We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
