somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
