hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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