Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
did you get engaged???
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
