I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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