New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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