woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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