I skipped work to stalk him.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
