You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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