she woke up with a sticky ear
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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