Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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