I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
