Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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