Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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