I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
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