You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
