I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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