I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
