you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
