Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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