Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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