rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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