this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
