don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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