look no pants
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
