He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
