Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I think my moral compass just broke
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize