I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
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It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
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I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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