I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
