NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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