If i could tip my vagina, i would.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
