yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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