all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He better not be in your backpack
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
