is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
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Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
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My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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