i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
