we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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